Fight Part Two
And night came as quickly as she prayed that it wouldn’t. The sun did her heart some good. It reminded her that the darkest part of her wouldn’t last, because sunlight was inevitable. However, when nightfall came she never seemed to be prepared. Staring at the ceiling and watching the blades of the fan in motion were her only hope for a distraction. Sleep never came easy on nights like these. She had given up trying to figure out why, and instead opted to simply trying to endure what she knew could no longer be avoided. She rolled over to face the wall, hoping that he didn’t notice her restlessness. She closed her eyes and prayed that exhaustion would take over and force her heart to slow down. Instead, her thoughts raced even quicker and she could feel his body roll right beside hers as he locked his arms around her. She held her breath in effort to force the thoughts out of her head, but they had already made their way down south to make themselves at home in her heart. She attempted to keep her breathing in rhythm with his, but found herself even unworthy of that.
He must have not realized what we he was sleeping next to. Because if he did, surely he would know better than to touch such filth. She took pride in her ability to fool those closest to her. Above all else, at least her dignity was being preserved when everything else held no gurantee. Trying not to wake him, she slipped out from his embrace and made her way to the floor beside the bed. It was the place she had grown accustomed to. Curled up with nothing but a blanket of fear and a pillow of doubt to rest her head on, she continued her fight for sleep. For she knew that the very touch of him and his body next to hers left her feeling desperately exposed and naked of the internal mess that she was. So she assumed her usual position. On the floor. Below him. Where she belonged.
