Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Born To Resist Part Two

My grip was tight around this. You fit right in the palm of my hand. Thank you for caring and sharing yourself with me. You’re brave, and that’s good that it works for you. But please don’t get too close. You scare me when you hold me like that. With you I feel like I can do no wrong. I don’t understand why you choose to abide in that lie. Your eyes are never far from mine, and I wish you wouldn’t do that. I appreciate your curiosity but I can’t give you anything but blank pages to read. Your sincere effort is admirable. I wish I had your courage, because your vulnerability blows my mind. Don’t let me change that about you.
I told you from the beginning that we’re better off apart. Your persistence is flattering, but it will not break me. You’re compliments. That smirk you get when I walk in the door. I can handle your hand in mine, because I can keep the other one clinched tightly. I am perfectly fine giving you part of me, but holding fast to everything else. I’m fine with this. Just this. Your sweet phrases and the lingering of your kiss will not break me. I like you, but I don’t really need you. Sickening, isn’t it? I don’t know how you tolerate such a jaded heart. Your eyes tell me that your soul is aching. Honey, I’ve tried but I don’t think I’m capable of returning the favor. I don’t want to give in, but I can’t get you out of my mind. Please stop. You scare me when you hold me like this. I can’t get used to this. I won’t get used to this. You will not break me.
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Saturday, March 14, 2009

Resist

Believe me when I say that this isn’t at all what I had planned. Promises are not a friend of mine, and I have a hard time keeping them. So to spare you the disappointment, I figured I would leave promises and vows regarding forever out of this. Maybe I assumed you knew what I meant when I said I wasn’t looking for anything. Maybe my words were messy and distorted. You must not be the reading between the lines type. I refused to let you get the best of me. That would just require too much energy. Call it selfish. Call it unfair. Call it leading you on, but to me it was nothing out of the ordinary. I’m a firm believer in guarding the heart, and you were no exception. I never knew holding my heart together would be the very thing that would break yours apart. If you knew this is how we would have ended up, would you have done it all over again? My warnings weren’t enough to keep you away. I’m no stranger to these feelings of guilt, but a total stranger to what you’ve done to me. I cannot possibly still be the object of your affection.  The time on the clock reaffirms that this has gone on for far too long.

                                                                                                                                                                                          

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Saturday, March 7, 2009

Lingers

The smell lingers on your breath. Where did your cynicism lead you to this time? If I promised you forever would you show me what you keep running back to? Please don’t play me for a fool, because I can see through your lies. I am not blind to your ways. Your eyes are the gateway to your soul, and they’re telling the stories that your lips cannot. Damn those voices in your head that have a hold on your thoughts. I would give anything to get inside your head and fight the battle for you.

 

Please don’t assume I don’t understand, because it’s quite the opposite. I know you far too well but I need you to just say it. I need to hear it from you. The smell lingers on your breath. What lies have you choked down this time? I’ve noticed you’ve had a hard time catching your breath lately. This is the part where you expect me to leave isn’t it? Bless your jaded heart. Can you look me in the eyes and see that my heart breaks for you? Every piece has your name on it.

 

I see you’ve worked hard for this. Tiring and exhausting, I’m sure. Is this independence worth it? Or did it steal your soul and fill the void with empty promises? We’ve been at this for years now. I thought you knew me better than this. If I didn’t want you I would have left a long time ago. Somehow love has a hold on me. Do you even know what that feels like anymore? My heart hurts for yours because I know what you’ve been without. But until you do too, this will never change. Your attempt to hide it leaves you more exposed than you know.  Can you look me in the eyes? I would love to remind you of how things could be.

                                                                                                                                                       

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