Thursday, May 22, 2008

Listen harder

She left her actions unexplained. Though she hardly understood it, she could only hope that somehow he knew. She needed to know that he heard everything without her having to say a word. And he did. Her silence spoke volumes about her condition. He preferred it that way, because her words weren’t genuine. She only spoke them to fill the empty space that still lingered and to meet an empty expectation. He would listen when she talked. He always would. But he knew it was just a fabricated conversation. She was forcing it. Trying to rationalize what was going on. Trying to make sense of it all, while at the same time trying to convince him that she would be okay. Reminding herself  that it would all pass. It was just a phase. She could hold on as long she needed.


But he knew better. He was so intuitive. And she loved that about him. Because she needed him to be. And when she was really quiet, and let the tears come, his embrace felt stronger. She knew he listened the most when she talked the least. So for now, she was going to be okay with being silent. For once, she wasn’t going to fake it.

Posted by heather at 15:14:29 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Worthless?

Philippians.
I’ve read it several times. But now that I’m really studying it, there’s so much more to it than the infamous, “I can do all thing through Christ who strengthens me” verse.

Yes everything else is worthless when compared with the priceless gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I may have Christ and become one with him. I no longer count on my own goodness or my ability to obey God’s law, but I trust Christ to save me. For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith.
-Philippians 3:8-9

It’s no lie that this book is one of Paul’s most positive letters. So I suppose that I began re-reading it to be encouraged. But this time, conviction seems to be the feeling that has become more dominant.

I would be lying if I boldly stated that my faith in Christ has led me to have zero desire for the world.
I’m a sucker for these things that Paul describes simply as “meaningless”, and it comes with some powerful demands and results that will fall short of the peace and joy that comes in knowing the Lord. But somehow, I haven’t counted them as total garbage, yet.

But to know Christ is a priceless gain.

I want to live as if I can’t live without Him.

Posted by heather at 05:49:00 | Permalink | No Comments »

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Strangers

He was like a stranger to her. There were moments when she could have sworn that she recognized him. Like that feeling you get when you stare at that familiar face because you know you have met them somewhere. You don’t say anything; you just look and watch them and eventually move on. It’s not worth investigating. The curiosity isn’t strong enough to prompt you to talk to them. And so it was with her. But she couldn’t shake the feeling of how foreign their connection had become. It was like she had to re-introduce herself to him whenever they conversed, for fear that he didn’t remember where they left off in their last conversation. Or maybe he wasn’t really listening at all. She didn’t know. And how could she? He was unpredictable, somebody that she didn’t really know anymore. She wondered if he felt the same way. Like old friends who tend to run into each other every now and then, but never fail to encounter the awkward silence. Because that’s what it had come to. Silence.

Posted by heather at 06:07:36 | Permalink | No Comments »

Thursday, May 15, 2008

sleep? no thanks.

i suck at sleeping.

i made a not-so-new-years resolution that i would start a habit of attempting to go to bed at a decent hour (before midnight). i figured it would allow me to be able to function a whole week without crashing.

hasn’t happened yet.

somehow I find myself awake at 1…2….3am.

and then…

top of the morning to ya!

Posted by heather at 06:29:55 | Permalink | No Comments »

Friday, May 9, 2008

We need to chat.

We’ve known each other for a while now, but I think you’ve got me all wrong. You’ve mistaken me for somebody else, and I think it’s time we talked about it. Your thoughts and philosophies about yourself do not dictate who I am. I hope you know you couldn’t be farther from the truth in your assumptions. You tell me that you’re sorry over and over again, but to be honest I cannot remember what it is you keep apologizing for. I know you can’t, but I have forgotten whatever wrong choice you made yesterday. It doesn’t matter to me anymore. I’ve moved on from it, and I wished you would too. If you’re waiting for me to bring about some sort of punishment, you’re wrong. The more you talk about it, the more you’re punishing yourself. I’m absolutely incapable of having any other feelings but love towards you, and I refuse to let you believe that you are undeserving. What’s happened to you? You know me better than this, don’t you? I’m not out to get you. I’m not looking for the right time to overwhelm you with judgment. My compassion is without limit. My grace has no end, and it will swing as low as you need it to. Have I made myself clear? You’ve confused me with somebody I could never be. I see that you’ve changed a lot since we first met, and you will continue to do so. But I need you to know that I never will. Never failing. Never changing. Never wavering. Always loving. Do not mistake me for anything less, because I will prove you wrong every time.
Posted by heather at 16:17:29 | Permalink | Comments (3)

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Take my hand and we’ll make it I swear

Living on a Prayer is one of my favorite 80’s songs. next to Take My Breath Away from the Top Gun of course.

I got to enjoy the Bon Jovi experience last week at Phillips Arena.

I would have posted the video that i recorded on my camera during some of the songs…but i don’t want to make you too jealous.

and for the record, Keith is a MUCH better performer.

and has cooler tattoos…so it looks as if even Jon Bon Jovi cannot come between me and Keith’s love for each other.

Posted by heather at 05:52:38 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Entry titles are over-rated.

He had become so disposable to her. She couldn’t understand why. She missed him so badly. Missed the way she felt when he was next to her. Missed the way he held her when the world felt too big. She missed how they knew each other so well. His blood was meant to run through her veins. But somehow things had changed. He hadn’t, but the feelings weren’t the same.

Everything she had been so sure of was put into question. Sometimes the waiting seemed stronger than she could ever be. He wasn’t surprised. But that didn’t mean his heart wasn’t breaking because of her wandering heart. He knew she felt the same way, but they had different ways of dealing with things. He always held on tighter when things got hard, while she tended to let go. She felt like they were tragic lovers. Destined to be together, but at the same time destined for pain and heartache. He knew it wasn’t supposed to be this way. He knew all along that this would happen, but he also knew that love was bigger. He knew that his love was bigger. It had the ability to conquer every disappointment and lie, but was even strong enough to conquer her.  Until she understood it, all he could do was wait.


Wait.

Posted by heather at 05:11:35 | Permalink | Comments (4)