still breathing

Could a character flaw transition to a lifestyle? Apathy has become a state of being to her. Initially she assumed it was just a phase. And it very may be a season that would force her back to her knees. But her feelings were sure telling her something different. She found it ironic that the more she began to wither away internally, the more she tried to convince her heart that everything else would cure her disease. How did she become so broken? The more she recognized her need to pursue life the harder she tried to pursue it here on earth. She chased everything but God and at the end of the day wondered why she remained unsatisfied.

Something was terribly wrong. She was desperate for answers but was afraid that he would remain silent. Halfway not expecting anything. Halfway expecting to not be what he needed. Answer or no answer. She was terrified. His love was too great to let her life go to waste. She didn’t know what to do with that. Instead of exploring that, she just refused to dig. She refused to feel.

How do you respond to a love that won’t let go? What could she possibly give in return that would satisfy perfection? She knew it wasn’t a fair trade-off. Her response to a love so great that wouldn’t go away was to turn the other way and just stroll through without a second glance. She began to take hold of how tired she was of trying to make it work. Trying to be happy.
Trying to live with the world as her compass. She was desperate for an encounter.
Desperate to respond to the one who has already responded with love.
There must be more.