Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Be Still

I love the weather tonight. There are wind chimes right outside my window that decide to speak up when the wind blows hard enough. And in between I can still here the water dripping down the drain pipe from when it rained.

God speaks volumes when we’re quiet.

I don’t want what you don’t have
I understand your position

You’ve been in it for far too long

And you’re in no condition

For me to leave you this way

You’ve already given so much of yourself away

I won’t demand anything

But give me what’s left of your remains

And I promise my love, I’m a sure thing

Posted by heather at 06:46:58 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Friday, January 25, 2008

Uncertain? Certainly.

“To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways; we do not know what a day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness; it should rather be an expression of breathless expectation.”
-Oswald Chambers

I’m not a fan of not knowing what’s coming. Not really fond on surprises…surprises mean I can’t prepare.

I prefer certainty. Make it practical. Make it realistic. Make it something you’re sure I can do.

Does it seem like an oxymoron-thought that faith isn’t a sure thing?

“Maybe faith has less to do with gaining knowledge and more to do with causing wonder. Maybe a relationship with God doesn’t simplify our lives. Maybe it complicates our lives in ways that they should be complicated…sin will complicate your life in ways that it shouldn’t be complicated. One way or the other, life is complicated.”
-In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day

It’s complicated. I think God prefers it that way.

Posted by heather at 16:40:22 | Permalink | No Comments »

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Contagious

So we took the youth up to North Ga for the winter retreat…and on the way home today I was thinking that it was definitely something worth blogging about, but there aren’t enough pictures, words, or silly jokes to begin to describe what went on in in our snowy weekend.

The name of the Retreat was Contagious. The weekend was built around the concept that we have the ability to life or death everyday. There is no in between. No gray area. Jesus was pretty clear. Either we choose to love or we don’t.
Either way, life or death will spread through our actions. Words are spoken everyday, but are rarely backed up by action.

Acts was the platform. In the first few chapters of Acts, it describes how the early beleivers who had lots of land would sell it in order to have the means to help those in need. They did whatever it took to take care of each other, because they knew that by loving their brothers and sisters in Christ, it would be the catalyst for them to spread that love to others.

The purpose behind this retreat was for the kids to feel loved…because love is the only thing worth spreading.

Prideful Heather thinks that I should just leave it at that, with no elaboration of how this retreat changed my life. However, that’s just not possible anymore.

The truth is, between last weekend at the leadership retreat and this weekend I’ve cried more than I have in a LONG time. If you know me at all, that shouldn’t surpise you. Haha….I’m not cold hearted, just not good at being emotional.

Anyway…I’ve really been uneasy about some things and finally spoke it aloud to a fellow leader last weekend. It was relieving. However, this weekend brought about some new kind of tears.

It’s a priveldge to serve the youth at Hi-Def. The last night was intense. One of the employees at the retreat center decided to attend the worship service. He’s a keep to himself kind of guy…and during one of the worship songs I turned around from running lyrics and saw all of our high school guys were crowded around this guy PRAYING for him. Insane. I was amazed.

Gus talked about in Acts 2 Peter “stepped forward to talk to the crowds. Stepped forward being the key phrase. Step forward because God has a destiny for you. Purpose. Meaning. Significance.

During the response time, I looked up and saw 5 people standing. 4 students and 1 employee gave their life to Christ that night.

And I cried like a baby.

God showed up. My prayer was that the kids would feel God’s presence in everything that went on…and somehow I was left breathless when He came through as promised.

The kids were honest in our small group, honest about that they needed prayer about…and are honestly seeking God’s heart.

It takes my breath away. There was no pressure to perform. No more concern that I wasn’t good enough for them, or inadquate because of my own insecurities…because it’s not me it’s God. And all He calls me to do is love them.

And He handles the rest.

Emotional? I’m not sure…maybe growing accustomed to lies for so long can only bring tears when the truth becomes so apparent through the lives of teenagers.

Posted by heather at 04:17:59 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

No Fear?

I’ve been reading In A Pit With a Lion On a Snowy Day…and I feel like mister Batterson wrote this book with me in mind. I think there are lots and lots of christian books that are written with the intntion of making us feel good about ourselves. Kind of like highlighitng the biblical verses about God’s love, but leaving out the verses that bring about conviction and response.

This isn’t one of those books.

I’ll go ahead and be a little honest.

God and I haven’t been doing so hot. And I feel like that’s inexcusable when so much of me is wanting to be a good influence for the youth at the Vine and allow God’s love for them be apparent through how I love them.

Sometimes I feel more afraid of God than loved by Him. Did I just say that? yep.

I want to be passionate about whatever I’m doing and I want it to be where God wants me. I believe God is huge. Absolutely. But what if He’s so big that He calls me to something I can’t measure up to? Or what if I miss my calling because I’m not paying attention?

I find myself being more afraid of what He can do and not so much of what I think He can’t.

“Our ultimate destiny is determined by whether or not we seize the God-ordained opportunities presented to us. If we seize those opportunitites, the dominos continue to fall and create a chain reason. But if we miss those opportunities, we short-circuit God’s plan for our lives. That doesn’t mean we should live in fear that we’ll somehow miss the will of God. He’ll keep giving us second and third and fourth chances.”

“Such love has no fear because perfect love expels all fear.”
-1 John 4:18

More later…this wears me out

Posted by heather at 04:33:49 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Searching

He had begun to feel this incredible sense of yearning. An overwhelming feeling of surrender had started to set in.

He was finding that the steps he was taking were just taking him to revisited places. Strides with no destination. God sometimes seemed unreachable. So on the days when he couldn’t feel Him he just pressed on on his own, assuming that it was supposed to be that way. He had learned in the past that to live is to first survive. Suddenly, he realized the more he guided his own steps, the more circles he created. The same feelings. The same places. The same people. Just getting by, all the while wondering how else things could be. He began to think that this was not what God had in mind. Some sort of emptiness still remained and the more he moved the deeper it became.

Surviving wasn’t his purpose. Life produces life. His God had already claimed victory, but so soon had he forgotten.

He began to wonder if he lived victoriously, how different things would be. Victory would allow him to live with passion. Pursue holiness. Believe that there was more. Confidence to live beyond just today. And courage to trust that God knew what He was doing. So many things would change if he could just trust in truth. But the risk scared him. His apathy made him nervous. His insecurities left him unsure. He was unsure if he could get past them. Unsure if they were conquerable. Unsure if God still had a place for him despite him rebellion. Just plain unsure.

He wondered if God could also conquer him. Sometimes he was his own worst enemy. And now realizing how big his God was, he prayed that He would conquer him. He used to pray prayers to help him get by unscratched, but now his one desire was to simply be changed. To live with passion because he had found something worth being passionate about. His way wasn’t working and it forced him to now be more dependant on God than ever. And for once, he felt okay with that.

He wanted to live to give life until he had nothing left to give.

Posted by heather at 05:39:01 | Permalink | No Comments »